My thoughts...

A Entry about my thoughts as SAS gets closer!

As I continue to talk more and more about Semester at Sea and continually prepare for it. I have literally 1,000 things going through my mind. I figured this would be the best place to place them to look back later and also. it's less public then my Facebook. Keep in mind that this is my "Therepy" entry in a way to get all of the thoughts running in my mind out of it. Some aren't pressing but are still on my mind.

This all came about after a night wit my dad at an Aunts house this weekend, I really got to thinking about all of the emotions I am having. At first it was only excitement and nothing else. But now that I have had some time I realize some of my true motives for going on SAS and my feelings.

First thought:
How much this experience will change me. Almost more importantly, how I will feel after the trip. When you do something once and a lifetime that no one else you know has experienced. I can't imagine what my viewpoint on the world will be...

Second thought: 
I also can't help thinking about how I will tell people about SAS... I know from experience  how it is when you go on trips, you come back, say "it was great", maybe say some great experiences but then people usually begin to not care and you have to stop talking before you sound snooty. I figure it'll be better for people to just read my stories then to tell them, because then I hate feeling like I am boring people. Also I suck at telling stories, my mind goes to too many places at once.

Third thought:
I can't wait to be emerged in a different experience. I want this to be an escape from reality almost. I do not think the whole trip will be perfect, but I truly believe that I will be able to take some good "me" time. Away from those I love, It'll be hard at first but it'll be good to spend unable to contact them (easily). I have never had a time in my life where I have been away long enough or spend time on me. I spend too much time in my life trying to please others, which is int always bad but I need time to reflect on myself and what I want out of life.

Fourth thought:
Making friends.

Fifth thought:
Money
It's always been such a big deal in my family. I hate asking people to help me too, so I will probably have to take out some loans to pay for some things. I know it is work it in the end though.

Six thought:
Keeping track of schoolwork while preparing. 

Seventh thought:
Things I want to do while I port, making sure I make the most out of the trip.

Eighth thought:
I keep thinking about what attracts me to SAS so much, I think there are a couple of things that have influenced me

1) My desire to see and experience new things
2) My feeling of being a lone/self-reliance. I have become much closer with my mom over the past few years which has been great and lifted loss of stress off my shoulders as well as making me feel so much better about my life and the direction it's going in, my dad (the one I have lived with the past few years until this summer) has recently moved 13 hours away... not to mention my 3rd parent (grandpa) and my 2 sister and best friend.
It has been hard feeling as though I am alone, i know they would both be there for me in a heartbeat but I guess this just comes with growing up. I just never thought I would have to travel so far to see my dad, while still in college. I miss having a home to go to that I'm completely comfortable in, that I have lived in for a lobg period of time. I miss Guilderland ( sorry for the but of a rant)I have so many feelings towerd this, which are not  really related to SAS so I wont get into it, but I think their leaving has given me a even stronger "self-reliant" attitude toward life. It's sad but you really cannot rely on anyone but yourself for anything. If you do you'll most likely be disappointed.



Last thought for tonight:
wishing I knew people going

That's it for tonight.